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View Full Version : Fiction: Claires School Trip...


slavegirly
02-27-2010, 12:59 PM
Ok, so this is my first ever story and I doubt it will be good. Please tell me if it is.

Chapter 1

Claire was a 9th grader at Revlon High School. She had long blonde hair that went to right above her ass. She had light blue eyes and was fairly skinny. She had a B cup breast. She normally sat all by herself as she loved being by herself. She hadnt very few friends but 1 who was her best friend Emma. One afternoon at lunch as Claire was sitting down Emma was running to her with a piece of paper and sat next to Claire. "Hey Claire have you seen this?" She handed the piece of paper to Claire who looked at it as it was a class trip to Sea World. "Yes I seen it and I dont think im gonna go, I mean whats the point in it?" She looked over at Emma. "Well I hear that Luke is going." She smiled at Claire. Luke is a 9th grader he was well built he was one of the popular kids who Claire had liked since 3rd grade when she moved from Toronto to Seattle. "Well I guess ill have to think about it again" Sais claire as she giggled and began to eat her food. "Oh come on Claire, you know you want to go." Said Emma. "Oh, allright ill go." Emma hugged claire as she said that.


tell me how im doing please.... like i said this is my first story.:confused:

slavegirly
02-27-2010, 01:51 PM
Chapter 2

Claire came to school the next day with her duffle bag packed. She stood near Emma. "Where are you sitting?" Said Claire. "I'm sitting near teh front I guess." "Oh im going to sit in teh very back from everyone..." Claire paused as she seen Luke walking by her "Else." Claire finished her line. They all gathered up and started getting on the bus. Claire headed for the back and sat near the window as Emma sat in the very front. Claire looked out teh window until she heard someone flop down next to her, she looked over to see who it was to her surprise it was Luke. "Hey Claire.." Luke said as she placed his stuff in the next seat. "Hi..." Claire was speechless all she could say was Hi. Luke looked at her. "I hear you have a huge crush on me..." He laughed teasing her. "Well...I...." She blushed and looked away. Just as she did Luke grabbed her by teh chin and kissed her cheek. "Its ok I know you do from your storys on Get dare." She blushed even more. Luke leaned over and kisses her forehead. "So wanna play Truth or dare.....?"

Tapout93
02-27-2010, 04:06 PM
Nice job its a good start hope you continue writing it

foryoutoguess
02-28-2010, 03:34 AM
nice developments on chapter 2.

good job, carry on =)

zeketheorc
02-28-2010, 07:41 AM
Spelling and grammar needs to be fixed.

msblingy
03-04-2010, 04:12 AM
hmm..sounds interesting...

Hunterman36
03-05-2010, 12:47 AM
I like it the only problem is that it sounds very familiar to another story I have read before, not saying anything right now I'll look it up for later until then good so far

Dare-Master
03-08-2010, 09:20 PM
I love this story so far please DO NOT STOP!!! I have bookmarked it and will check periodically. My only suggestion is to make them a bit longer but not too long or else we would have to wait too long. Try to find that balance of quality, quantity, and time distribution that writers need to perfect and then this story will have no fail!