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Fiendish
07-16-2009, 11:09 AM
This is a story been going through my head for awhile... and I'll only continue it if there's an interest, so do let me know.

The Old Man and the Market

It was loud as usual. The place was packed, of course, this was always a big thing. These merchants only came around once every three years, but it was always worth the wait. They brought goods from all over- France, Germany, Japan, Africa, Brazil, Mexico, even local goods were for sale- and this year the goods seemed of a particularly high quality. It seems Malcom & Hector were a bit gentler with the items for sale this year. Last time it was dreadful, an absolute fiasco. The goods were labeled wrongly, there were fewer bruised goods, and they seemed to have actually been fed. Security had been tightened, owing to an unfortunate incident in Canada last year where one of the items had escaped, and it led to some awkward police questioning and poking around.

The slaves were all displayed, some in a stretched out position, some squatting- encouraged to stay so by electrical prodders that would zap them if they moved too far in any direction- some were being paraded around the floor, being shown off to as many buyers as possible. This is how it was. Some of the slaves for sale were willing participants, desiring nothing more from life than to be a slave. One could tell these from the others because they had no gags, and were not secured to their displays. Most, however, would have to be broken into their new life. All had been told what was coming, of course, and it seemed about half had resigned themselves to this fate. The others struggled hard, trying, in vain, to escape.

There was something for everyone here, even a small stock of males, though they never sold well- not enough women and gay buyers, but obviously they brought in some profit somewhere, so they kept stocking it. This year there were five. But the old man was interested in them only in passing; none of them were willing participants, and there were two in particular that must have been hard to capture. They were both heavily muscled, tall and powerfully built, held in place with twice the usual chain.

No, what he was after was farther down. Word had reached him that there would be a ferocious redheaded slut with a small build and tiny tits. He wanted to examine this one, as he loved redheads, loved girls with tiny tits, and loved breaking the strong-willed female stock. It wasn't hard to find, she was making quite a racket- it seemed she had somehow managed to spit out or break the gag in her mouth.

"- SON OF A BITCH! ROT IN HELL, YOU BAST-"

She was silenced by a worker that finally remembered she was wearing a choke chain, and she was silenced by cutting off her airway. She wasn't bound as the others, but she was tied to a thick wooden beam, arms and legs around it behind her, tied about two feet off the platform itself. Quite a few men were waking away from this one, muttering about wasting time and being unable to train this one.

They are weak, thought the old man, no patience or ambition. Let them have their pre-made doormats... I like making mine.

It seems the staff had managed to calm her down with some sedative. Good, this would give him a good chance to examine her. As he got nearer, he saw the label this one had:

"Female, 19, HT: 5'2" WT: 105 LBS
Origin: South Dakota INFO:
Strong-willed, hard to break. Bites.
Certified Virgin
Price: $300,500"

"Let her off of that thing," the old man said, his voice full of authority, "set her up on a standard display rig, I want to examine this one."

"Yes, sir!" the workers said, making sure she was unable to fight before untying her from the beam. She was put into the usual hands-up legs-open slave display stand.

She was well-built for being a sex slave and maid. Fierce red hair down to right between her shoulder blades, smooth skin with just a hint of muscle- perfect, she kept in shape. The tiny tits were well-shaped, the nipples semi-erect at the moment. Her hips flared nicely, legs went all the way. Nicely shaped ass, no tattoos, soft features overall. Easy on the eyes, though perhaps hard on the ears- at least at first- but that could be easily remedied. She would make a great addition to the harem he already has, especially after his favorite had been injured beyond repair after being hit by a car.

"Price seems a little low to me," the old man says, "certified virgin with a body like this should be retailing for three times that."
"We just want to get rid of her," one of the staff said, "she's nothing but trouble, loud, bitten through three gags just today."
"I see. Well, you do know that, should I find anything other than simple attitude wrong with this one, you will no longer have jobs, nor freedom for that matter. I shall ensure that you are sent to a foreign prison for a long time."
"So... you're taking her?" said one hopefully.
"Yeah," the old man said, "and two pairs of the sturdiest shackles you sell here, and a new gag- I am afraid she's almost through the one currently in her mouth."

Payment was made, in full, and she was his. When he tried leading her to his car, she resisted. Out in the parking lot, she actually managed to pull him off his feet.

"Stupid whore," he said angrily, "you belong to me now!" He pulled something out of his coat pocket- a stun gun. "Resist me again, and you'll have this on your neck," he said, clicking it on for a second, the electricity crackling across the space between the prongs. As it was, he gave her a good slap in the face. The combination seemed to have the desired effect, as she got in the car, which was specially designed to hold a slave down in the back seat.

She was in for a long ride...

overlord
07-16-2009, 11:59 AM
nice start great potential

Komodo Jones
07-16-2009, 01:16 PM
After reading this I can say good job for not rushing into sexual matters right away. I find the potential good as I don't think I have ever seen a s/m story where the slave is as resistant and enraged as this one so that's a good quality that you should keep throughout the story. The conflicting of the slave's attitude along with the man's previous experiences with slave should make up for a good conflict. Having said that I do have a few things that I would suggest to make your story even better. First off try to avoid redundancy. I saw this A LOT in the first paragraph as you used the term "goods" five times. If you have a thesaurus use that for other words such as items, sundries etc. even though sundries doesn't really apply to people. The second thing I have to say is that you need to carefully proofread your story before submitting posts because I saw some tense errors for example somewhere in the story you wrote "the man says" where it should be "the man said," in order to keep the tense the same throughout the story. However, overall great start and I look forward to its continuance.

Fiendish
07-16-2009, 01:21 PM
After reading this I can say good job for not rushing into sexual matters right away. I find the potential good as I don't think I have ever seen a s/m story where the slave is as resistant and enraged as this one so that's a good quality that you should keep throughout the story. The conflicting of the slave's attitude along with the man's previous experiences with slave should make up for a good conflict. Having said that I do have a few things that I would suggest to make your story even better. First off try to avoid redundancy. I saw this A LOT in the first paragraph as you used the term "goods" five times. If you have a thesaurus use that for other words such as items, sundries etc. even though sundries doesn't really apply to people. The second thing I have to say is that you need to carefully proofread your story before submitting posts because I saw some tense errors for example somewhere in the story you wrote "the man says" where it should be "the man said," in order to keep the tense the same throughout the story. However, overall great start and I look forward to its continuance.

I always have problems keeping my story in the right tense... I've been working on that for awhile, but it still happens. My brain keeps telling me it's the same thing... ah well, I'll work on it, see what I can do.

interesting
07-16-2009, 03:05 PM
I'm always afraid with these kinds of stories. It's well written, the plot seems interesting and thought out (albeit along the same lines as many stories here), but it's too easy to desensitize ourselves to that kind of human misery. Maybe I have too vivid an imagination, but I just want to run into that market, kill the slavers and rescue the slaves. I guess I'm a hero at heart and these kinds of stories aren't for me.

But I digress. Good writing so far. Don't worry too much about tenses, though, every writer has that problem at one time or another. Just pay attention and it'll work fine.

Fiendish
07-16-2009, 03:08 PM
I'm always afraid with these kinds of stories. It's well written, the plot seems interesting and thought out (albeit along the same lines as many stories here), but it's too easy to desensitize ourselves to that kind of human misery. Maybe I have too vivid an imagination, but I just want to run into that market, kill the slavers and rescue the slaves. I guess I'm a hero at heart and these kinds of stories aren't for me.

But I digress. Good writing so far. Don't worry too much about tenses, though, every writer has that problem at one time or another. Just pay attention and it'll work fine.

You and your hero complex... :p Thanks for the input though.

TheFloss
07-30-2009, 04:14 AM
Oh man, I hope you keep going with this story!

In Jess's holes
07-30-2009, 05:16 AM
I like it. I agree alot with what komodo jones had to say though. Very good start though. Would like to see where it goes.

fitsexyguy
08-03-2009, 01:20 AM
This is a good start, it's very interesting, hope you continue writing this

molten man
08-03-2009, 03:15 PM
It is a great start.

Keep it goinG!